Locala Podcast
Hosted by Lisa Anderson
Power of Honesty: Finding Strength in Vulnerability with Jackie Korpela
Power of Honesty: Finding Strength in Vulnerability with Jackie Korpela
Podcast Episode 21
Description
Description
In this episode, host Lisa Anderson talks to guest Jackie Korpela about the power of honesty in relationships and personal growth. Jackie shares her experiences with polyamory and the challenges and rewards of being true to oneself and one's partners. She also speaks candidly about her journey as the parent of a transgender child, and offers advice on how to support and love a child who is transitioning. With openness and vulnerability, Jackie demonstrates how honesty can be a catalyst for strength and connection.
August 2021 article: https://bit.ly/locala-aug21-jk
The Rainbow Connection: An Interactive Journal For Grief: https://amzn.to/3E2bsF2
The Rainbow Connection: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Journal: https://amzn.to/3YNBvYM
Locala Magazine February Issue: https://bit.ly/locala-feb23
Trigger Warning: Pregnancy Loss
Disclaimer: Some links provided are affiliate links. By clicking the link and purchasing the product through that link, we will receive some money at no extra charge to you.
Transcript
Transcript
00:00:00:02 - 00:00:17:19
Speaker 1
There's three of us. It's sometimes one of us might feel like, Oh, are we with like kind of the third wheel here? And then there's like, No, there's three. There's three very even wheels. But there's going to be times where you have to address those feelings. And by bringing them up and talking about them, it makes those feelings dissipate.
00:00:17:22 - 00:00:37:23
Speaker 2
Welcome to the Locala podcast, everybody. I'm Lisa Anderson, your host and publisher of Locala magazine. Today we have Jackie Korpela on the couch, and I'm so excited to have her back. She was in a previous issue, I believe, in 2021, and we will go ahead and link that in the description for you so you can read the original story.
00:00:38:07 - 00:00:49:09
Speaker 2
But this is a follow up with her. And before we head over to Jackie, let's go ahead and smash that like button and subscribe if you enjoy all the content that we provide you. So welcome, Jacki.
00:00:49:14 - 00:00:50:05
Speaker 1
Thank you.
00:00:50:10 - 00:01:19:14
Speaker 2
So when we sat down, oh, gosh, I guess a year, maybe almost to a girl. Yeah. Yeah. We sat down and we talked about so many things and your life is so big and I had to choose and I chose to go with your, your relationships. And so I so I kind of want to start off with what you're doing now and where you're at with just your life in general.
00:01:19:14 - 00:01:24:04
Speaker 2
And then we'll dive into your relationships and how that's progressed over the couple of years.
00:01:24:15 - 00:01:50:04
Speaker 1
Okay, that sounds great. Okay. Currently, I have the privilege of being able to be a stay at home mom, but you know, that looks different for each person who's a stay at home mom. For me, that looks like being a taxi driver to my adult children and then home schooling my youngest. And I'm very I feel very privileged to be able to be in that position where I can give my full energy to the people in my household.
00:01:50:05 - 00:02:17:18
Speaker 1
Yeah, I have. I spend my free time writing these days. I had again, I had the opportunity to be part of a book with 14 other women. 15 women shared their stories called Shameless. And after doing that, it really it opened up something for me. I've written my whole life, and after finally being vulnerable enough to share it with others, I decided to keep that ball rolling.
00:02:17:18 - 00:02:44:15
Speaker 1
I decided to keep going, keep writing, and keep sharing what I have with the world. Yeah. So I have released last year two editions of an interactive journal helping people with processing grief. The first one can be pretty much for any kind of situation with grief. I wanted to leave it that way. And then the other addition is for miscarriage, pregnancy loss and infant loss.
00:02:44:22 - 00:03:19:06
Speaker 1
That is really that message is really important to me because having experienced a twin pregnancy loss myself about two years ago, I, I noticed that there are a lot of resources out there, but one size doesn't fit all for those types of resources. And sometimes they would say things that would make me leave me feeling alienated sometimes, and I felt like there was really a need for me to create an interactive place to process grief free of any type of religious tones or even spiritual.
00:03:19:06 - 00:03:42:10
Speaker 1
Really. I tried to really leave it open to kind of give people space to process what they believe and what they are feeling. As a society. We are not good with grief. We very much need to get polar parents back up and put our shoes on and run out the door to work. Yeah, yeah. And grief is grief is something that is a lifelong journey.
00:03:42:10 - 00:03:52:02
Speaker 1
And so being able to process it properly is, I think, a vital thing that we really don't teach in our society or really make space for.
00:03:52:02 - 00:04:27:21
Speaker 2
Yeah. And yeah, no, I agree. And, and you actually went through that shortly after the article came out. You started that, that journey and I know that you had like writing that story in the shameless book because for those that don't know my parent company is the one that published a book. You dealt with one side of what you grew up with, and in that chapter was being bullied by both family and at school and breaking free of that culture for your own family.
00:04:28:01 - 00:04:47:07
Speaker 2
And then while you're trying to process all of that, you also went through your pregnancy loss. I love the fact that you wound up doing two journals. Now, you did the first one because you felt that was the best way to process and it was something that you had thought about in the past. Is that correct?
00:04:47:12 - 00:05:12:16
Speaker 1
I had started out with the vision of doing the Journal for Pregnancy loss because of my personal experience, but during that time, my girlfriend lost her mother. Her mother was only 46 years old. She died of breast cancer. It was pretty aggressive. She was only around about a year after her diagnosis. She was such a positive lady. She never really let us know how bad it was until she was gone.
00:05:12:16 - 00:05:35:14
Speaker 1
A week before she passed, she post on Facebook that she was starting to walk again and we were like, Oh, she's just she bouncing back. So she was just a very positive lady. And it was it was a hard hit. And so when I was going to release the edition, I, I decided to make it kind of a general space to process grief because I wanted it to be a tool that my girlfriend could use as well.
00:05:35:23 - 00:05:59:18
Speaker 1
And so after it was released, I was very proud of it. But I still had this heavy feeling in my heart that the original reason I did this was to deal with miscarriage. And so I went ahead and I took the original work and I added about ten bonus pages specifically about pregnancy and that aspect of it. And I, I did.
00:05:59:18 - 00:06:15:03
Speaker 1
I felt like it was more complete at that point. And so I'm happy I had I had released the original one for everyone because I really wanted that tool for everyone. Yeah, but my heart is in and reaching women who have experienced a pregnancy loss.
00:06:15:03 - 00:06:29:05
Speaker 2
Yeah. Because. Well, and you and you spent a lot of your time. What didn't get put in the article too much was kind of your past history. So you spent a lot of time helping where you would do LA or.
00:06:29:10 - 00:06:37:17
Speaker 1
I was a dollar a birth assistant or a midwife. That work that we worked at birth Center called the Caliber Center. And I was also birth photographer.
00:06:37:19 - 00:06:38:02
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:06:38:05 - 00:06:38:18
Speaker 1
And I worked at.
00:06:38:18 - 00:06:39:00
Speaker 2
Some time.
00:06:39:10 - 00:07:06:01
Speaker 1
And I worked at the center for about two years, but I've been doing birth work for about ten. So before and after my time at the person, I've worked with people and I had also worked with people who had experienced loss. There are organizations like Now I Lay Me Down the Sleep that will be contacted to photograph a loss, but they have certain stipulations and sometimes we would have a woman who would have a miscarriage that was just too early that the the organization could not help.
00:07:06:04 - 00:07:38:13
Speaker 1
Yeah. So I had actually had the experience of photographing a baby or a few times. I've had experience, but I've had an experience photographing a baby the same age that my twins were when they gave birth. So when I gave birth to them, I remember thinking I already knew what they're going to look like. Little fingers, little toes, look, all those little tiny parts, because I had experienced supporting women through that slept in the overnight at the hospital to be there when they gave birth and take photos or if they if they had asked in at home and and then they would come into the birth center and I would photograph for them.
00:07:38:13 - 00:08:04:04
Speaker 1
And I'm very empathetic person. It was not an easy task to do, but my heart very much lies with them. And I would do those things anyway. Yeah, and I I'm grateful for having the experience before I went through my own experience, but I did. I had a little bit of I had a little bit of trouble when I went through my own experience because I wanted one of me there.
00:08:04:11 - 00:08:04:23
Speaker 2
Yes.
00:08:04:23 - 00:08:28:22
Speaker 1
Like, where's my jacket? You know, my girlfriend was lovely and I was actually very lucky. My husband was able to stay home with our children and help them process what was happening. And my girlfriend came to the hospital with me to give birth in and really support me through that. And that was really an interesting way where we got to see how our unusual relationship dynamic.
00:08:28:22 - 00:08:42:09
Speaker 1
Every one of us has a role in our in our lives and we support each other better having the three of us. And I'm really grateful that I had the experience of working with people before I went through it myself. So I knew a little bit of what to expect.
00:08:42:13 - 00:08:42:20
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:08:43:10 - 00:08:48:21
Speaker 1
And did not know until I went through it myself that there was a need for this type of resource.
00:08:49:07 - 00:09:13:12
Speaker 2
Yeah, I think, you know, and you talked about having a hard time photographing other women when it when you were the Jackee in the room. Yeah. And I can, I was approached by the organization to be one of the photographers at one point and I said I can't do it because I wouldn't be able to stay composed. And you have to be able to stay composed.
00:09:13:12 - 00:09:30:05
Speaker 2
And I was like, I couldn't do it. So props to you to be able to do it. And I'm I'm glad that you were able to have that family dynamic. So let's with that, let's go ahead and dive into everything. So you guys were what, about two years? Well, 1 to 2 years in your.
00:09:30:07 - 00:09:33:04
Speaker 1
Years and we're going on for. So how about you? Yeah.
00:09:33:13 - 00:09:37:06
Speaker 2
Yeah. So tell me, how was your relationship developed over this time?
00:09:37:16 - 00:10:03:15
Speaker 1
It's really incredible how much everything is developed in that time. I would say the first couple of years that Stephanie had joined into our relationship, but most of that was just building a really good friendship between Stephanie and Dave. She had never dated a man before. She had said that she's open to the idea, but it would take her some time and some trust built to even feel comfortable being open to to knowing the person that way.
00:10:03:16 - 00:10:25:05
Speaker 1
Yeah. And so my husband, Dave, he's a really incredible guy and he's very much like me, I would think out of the box type situation. And he he knows me. He knows I'm a very we were monogamous before we met Stephanie, and he knows I'm a very loyal person and I'm very honest with what I'm thinking. If even if it's an uncomfortable conversation, we're going to have it.
00:10:25:05 - 00:10:44:02
Speaker 1
Yes. I'm not keeping anything to myself. So there was there was a lot of uncomfortable conversations at first to try to navigate even what it's like to have feelings for another person when you're married and when you you're my husband's my best friend. We absolutely adored each other. It wasn't like, oh, there's a big problem. Let's bring someone in to fix it.
00:10:44:02 - 00:10:44:09
Speaker 1
It's like.
00:10:44:09 - 00:10:44:21
Speaker 2
We yeah.
00:10:45:01 - 00:11:07:13
Speaker 1
We were really in a good place when she came along. Yeah, And it's taken a lot of growth for each of us individually to work on our own jealousies or our own idea of what love is supposed to look like. And over the past two years, with all the life that has happened to me, it has. It's one of those things when you go through those big things, it's a make or break mean you're going through the fire.
00:11:07:13 - 00:11:27:05
Speaker 1
You're going to find out what your relationship is made of when you're going through those hard times. And instead of breaking us, it made us increase doubly strong, I mean, stronger than I ever imagined. The three of us are as tight as possible at this point. When we got pregnant, the twins were a surprise. The pregnancy was a surprise.
00:11:27:05 - 00:11:46:01
Speaker 1
The twins were a double surprise. And even that my husband is an older man. He's he's about five years older than me. So he was he had a little bit harder time wrapping his mind around all of that. And when we talked about it as a family and he realized Stephanie was in 100%, just like, you know, she wasn't going to take out and be like, oh, surprise, pregnancy.
00:11:46:01 - 00:11:55:09
Speaker 1
I didn't ask for this, you know? Yeah, yeah. She was into it. He he felt more secure being like, okay, I think we could do this, you know, And.
00:11:55:09 - 00:11:58:00
Speaker 2
And she really could have because she's younger than you guys.
00:11:58:00 - 00:12:17:20
Speaker 1
Most definitely, yes. She is the youngest of us three. And so, you know, again, like, you know, just a big surprise thing like that. Like here we're trying to figure out our relationship and now we have two babies thrown into the mix. But yeah, it really it strengthened us. And then when we lost the twins, just having to be able to delegate those responsibilities.
00:12:17:20 - 00:12:35:09
Speaker 1
Dave isn't great with hospitals, but he's wonderful with our children. So he held everything down at home, made meals, talk to the kids about what was going on. And Stephanie is always by my side. She's always there. And so she was there and she didn't know what to do. And I didn't really know how to share grief that big.
00:12:35:13 - 00:12:56:11
Speaker 1
And she was incredibly patient with me while I process that and found a way to be able to share that with her. Yeah. And since then, you know, we've actually we asked Stephanie to move in with us. So now all three of us live together. We had tried living together at the beginning of our relationship and there was still a lot of things we still needed to figure out.
00:12:56:19 - 00:13:23:07
Speaker 1
Yeah. So we coming back to it about three years into the relationship, about a year ago, we asked her to live with us and it has been just phenomenal. Any of the little things that we we had of insecurities about her, anything Pretty much all of that has gone. We enjoy having each other's company day to day. And there is just so many times in regular life where, you know, you wish you had an extra hand or to an end in the relationship.
00:13:23:07 - 00:13:50:05
Speaker 1
It's very much is that way. Just everyone plays to their strengths. And now we have Dave and Stephanie. They work outside the home. They both work trades and I'm able to stay home with their kids and get my teenagers to and from college to and from work. We kind of live in a place there's no bus system. So when you have young adults, if they're not driving yet, you almost need someone around to be able to get everything to get all that going to help them launch.
00:13:50:14 - 00:13:54:21
Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Now, how old is your youngest?
00:13:54:23 - 00:13:56:08
Speaker 1
My youngest is seven years old.
00:13:57:05 - 00:14:05:14
Speaker 2
And how how are all of the kids processing the twins? You know, like doing this relationship and moving in? Because I know that's probably on people's minds.
00:14:05:23 - 00:14:25:07
Speaker 1
I love that question because, you know, people don't always consider the kids in these situations. Or I can imagine someone commenting, What about the kid? Yeah, well, when we first met, I think that the teenagers, I've always been very open with my kids about everything. We talk about everything. And so I, I let them know, you know, and my kids are very think out of the box type people, too.
00:14:25:07 - 00:14:48:06
Speaker 1
So I was grateful that we didn't need a lot of judgment. If anything, they were just maybe more skeptical of Stephanie at first coming in. They love me. They love their dad. Dave is actually not their biological father. He adopted them about five, six years back. Okay. And, you know, so they were very protective of Dave. At first they weren't sure the everything was changing up.
00:14:48:06 - 00:15:14:08
Speaker 1
How is it going to go? Yeah, over the past few years, they've seen that she has stuck around and that she pitches in in the family, that she asks them about their day. And I can say now we're almost four years into the relationship. My kids see her as another mother and they're in their lives. My seven year old has known her since she was three, so she's always known Stephanie and she's always known Stephanie as a special person in the family.
00:15:14:08 - 00:15:34:21
Speaker 1
But as she gets older, you can discuss these things a little more in depth. So she's always known Stephanie was my girlfriend, but now that she's older, she understands a little bit more of what that means and how she is another safe adult in our household and in her life that she can count on for things. And so they they really all love her.
00:15:34:21 - 00:15:53:06
Speaker 1
And we talk about, you know, we can't legally be married, the three of us. We talk about having some type of ceremony because we want we want everyone to know, like, you know, even if we can't sign a piece of paper for it, this is our life plan. We leave. I mean, I believe there in there's more than one soulmate for each of us.
00:15:53:06 - 00:16:01:06
Speaker 1
I believe when we come here, we come here with the intention of meeting up with certain souls or certain people to fulfill our life plans.
00:16:01:06 - 00:16:19:05
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, that's kind of a good point. Talking about how you're attracted to other souls and stuff like that. Because if I remember correctly from the first article you had said you were never attracted to other women in that way before.
00:16:19:05 - 00:16:22:12
Speaker 1
I would say I considered myself bisexual, but in theory.
00:16:22:13 - 00:16:23:08
Speaker 2
But in theory. Okay.
00:16:23:10 - 00:16:41:18
Speaker 1
You know, you know, being a teenager and and, you know, maybe I had kissed a friend or a friend had kissed me in high school or something. But I mean, when it came to being married or dating, I was I had a I had a lot of internalized misogyny. I had this idea, well, what are we? I'd parrot things like, what are we going to do if we both get our period at the same time?
00:16:41:18 - 00:16:48:04
Speaker 1
We'll rip each other's head off. And I'm I'm what are we talking about?
00:16:48:22 - 00:16:51:09
Speaker 2
Because that's a thing, you know, like it men.
00:16:51:09 - 00:16:54:05
Speaker 1
And other people say and you parrot it because you heard.
00:16:54:05 - 00:17:05:01
Speaker 2
It right, which makes no sense because there are women who room together who go on their cycle together because we just kind of sync up as women and they they survive.
00:17:05:01 - 00:17:32:10
Speaker 1
Yeah. And honestly, I think it helps having another woman in the house because I feel way more understood about things. And I, you know, I don't usually play into gender roles, gender norms at all, but there does seem to be a little Mars Venus action going on. You can tell sometimes in your relationships. Yeah. And having another female, another or a non-binary person because actually I want to be, you know, she, her pronouns are she her and they them and myself as well.
00:17:32:10 - 00:17:53:16
Speaker 1
So I mean she does mind if I refer to her as a female, but I also feel like I should clarify that, you know, having another person with that, with that feminine energy, because we all have a mix of masculine and feminine energy, every single one of us. Yeah. And I find myself most attracted to people who have a really wonderful balance of masculine feminine energy.
00:17:53:16 - 00:18:19:16
Speaker 1
That's one of the things I love best about my husband, and it's one of the things that I've learned and to love about my partner Stephanie as well. It's like there there's an understanding there. Sometimes she just gets the way, I think. And it is different than Dave, and as long as he doesn't feel ganged up by it, we're good know I think he he can sometimes take what I'm saying and understand it's not personal because if she relates to it, he understands that we just have that similar point of view.
00:18:19:19 - 00:18:20:05
Speaker 2
Yeah.
00:18:20:05 - 00:18:48:03
Speaker 1
And so it's been it's been really nice to have that energy around. It's helped him not to take things personally when I say it, because you'll hear it from her too. And he realizes it's not just me being sensitive about. Yeah, he might realize and each of us take a turn at that type of growth. Like we're very good at communicating and holding each other accountable for our words or, you know, and I think a lot of people aren't comfortable doing that in this type of relationship.
00:18:48:03 - 00:19:00:03
Speaker 1
It's I mean, people's it gets twice as much fun stuff. It is twice maybe three times as much more. Really being honest and talking about your feelings. If you don't like talking about your feelings, don't double up on your partner.
00:19:00:07 - 00:19:10:16
Speaker 2
Yeah, because I mean, that's a big dynamic to have, you know, especially making sure that nobody is getting jealous of the other person, that it's harmonious, you know, And.
00:19:10:16 - 00:19:29:20
Speaker 1
Jealousy is normal, but it's important to talk about it and address it because when you bring it to the light and we discuss things, we realize like, she might be jealous about one thing and then he might be jealous about another, or they might actually be kind of feeling the same thing. Like, Well, there's three of us. It's sometimes one of us might feel like, Oh, are we with like kind of the third wheel here?
00:19:30:08 - 00:19:54:11
Speaker 1
And then there's like, No, there's three. They're three very even wheels. But there's going to be times where you have to address those feelings. And by bringing them up and talking about them, it makes those feelings dissipate because then you have you have two people reminding you how loved and supported you are. And you can't you know, you can't take responsibility for other people's emotions, but you can help give them ease of mind.
00:19:54:11 - 00:20:09:02
Speaker 1
And we've gotten really good now where if we're one of us are having a hard mental health day, we can say to the others, I'm feeling kind of insecure today. And then we know, hey, well, I'm going to texter a few times today, tell how much I love her. I'm going to send her a cute little selfie blow and kisses.
00:20:09:02 - 00:20:23:07
Speaker 1
I'm going to. Yeah. You know, it's important to whether you're in a relationship with one person to whatever. It's important to feel comfortable expressing those needs and then having your partner be willing to listen and not take it personally. Yeah. That they're not doing enough, you know.
00:20:23:08 - 00:20:33:15
Speaker 2
Do you find that it's easier now that Steph and Dave or a little bit are involved with each other as well versus when it was just you and stuff and then you and.
00:20:33:15 - 00:20:51:21
Speaker 1
Dave Most definitely, Yeah. I think because we're we're all just people who are so comfortable with what we have and, and we like a lot of polyamory, people will date and they'll date other people, but we're all kind of homebodies and we're a little we're all neuro spicy. And so we like, we find our people and we're pretty happy at home with them.
00:20:51:21 - 00:21:13:05
Speaker 1
So the first part of the relationship, well, we were trying to like to to feel everything out and get to know each other really well. A lot of times somebody would say, Hey, I feel like I only have half of you and I. And that's a valid feeling. You have to say, Hey, yeah, sometimes I feel like I'm being torn in half and there's conversations that come with that.
00:21:13:05 - 00:21:34:11
Speaker 1
And and a lot of times we try to, you know, brainstorm our way through how can we help everybody feel secure as possible. And these days, it's probably in the past years since we've all been cohabitating together and we get to spend every day together, it no longer feels like you have half a person. Each of us has two people that really love us and care.
00:21:34:20 - 00:21:59:20
Speaker 1
And I'm happy that Dave and Stephanie have that time to fully develop their relationship before it ever progressed into anything else. Yeah, so many people hear about our dynamic and they're like, Oh, unicorns. Oh, I know what this is. Oh, this is all very purely physical. And they really I think our story shows the exact opposite of that, that they built an incredible friendship and a close relationship.
00:21:59:20 - 00:22:10:10
Speaker 1
Chip Before we ever introduced any type of physical aspect to our relationship. Yeah, and at this point we do. We all feel like we have two people that care about us fully.
00:22:10:16 - 00:22:26:07
Speaker 2
Well, do you mind talking briefly if you're comfortable about your son? February for us and the magazine is about the LGBTQ community. And I, we had a mother in the magazine and I kind of like to hear your perspective.
00:22:26:17 - 00:22:47:09
Speaker 1
Oh, I'd love to. I love talking about my son. Okay. My son Mason had come to us and talked to us about his interest in transitioning five years ago and as open minded out of the box thinking as I am there, I still think back and cringe at some of the questions I might have asked or things I might have said.
00:22:48:05 - 00:23:06:04
Speaker 1
And over the past five years, we've grown a lot together and like I was always supportive, but I would also have like I was taken by surprise because I felt like nobody knew my kid better than me. And my kid just revealed something I did not see coming. No. So then I'm like, Oh, I'll sleep on it. Maybe.
00:23:06:15 - 00:23:14:04
Speaker 1
Maybe you feel that way. Maybe you don't just think about it. Maybe you're stressed, maybe you're overthinking. And I look back and I cringe. Yeah, you know, But.
00:23:14:09 - 00:23:15:23
Speaker 2
How old was he when he came to you?
00:23:16:01 - 00:23:19:08
Speaker 1
Five years ago? He's about to turn 20. Wow. Yeah.
00:23:19:19 - 00:23:21:19
Speaker 2
No. Where is the time gone.
00:23:22:10 - 00:23:25:13
Speaker 1
Right? I can't even believe it. But.
00:23:25:23 - 00:23:29:04
Speaker 2
So he was. I mean, he was in the middle of his teens, so.
00:23:29:19 - 00:23:48:21
Speaker 1
You know, and things can be confusing. And like I said, I'm non-binary. So I was like, Hey, I get it. You don't totally relate to being female. And I just, you know, I just told him to keep his mind open and just, you know, but I tried to be, you know, I tried to be supportive, aside from my own parental feelings of, Oh my gosh, I thought I knew my kid her and not know this.
00:23:48:21 - 00:24:06:23
Speaker 1
Yeah. And really, you really got to just take yourself out of the equation there. I mean, you can you can you can deal with those emotions, but really, it's not about me to him and only thing the best thing you can do for your kid and I've had people write me so many times over the years and go, my kid just came out to me, What do I say?
00:24:06:23 - 00:24:26:19
Speaker 1
What do I do? My answer is always, You cannot go wrong supporting and loving your child. Yeah. And they say, Well, what if he changes his mindset? Then he feels safe enough to do so. And that that requires a lot of safety for someone to feel comfortable enough to change their mind. Right. But no matter whether or not they change their mind, it is my job to be their safe place.
00:24:26:19 - 00:24:53:06
Speaker 1
Right. And so he was able to socially transition for a few years and then he was able to start his his testosterone about a year ago. Okay. And we used to watch videos of people doing the testosterone and how they would change over time. And we've we've been recording those videos and we were just saying, hey, maybe we'll make that video soon, because those videos, we lived off of those for years watching these people have that gender euphoria and knowing that that could be for him sometime.
00:24:53:06 - 00:24:59:01
Speaker 1
And so March 1st, we have our court date and his name change will be official.
00:24:59:04 - 00:25:00:12
Speaker 2
Oh, that's fantastic.
00:25:00:13 - 00:25:15:21
Speaker 1
It's huge. We feel like the name change has been the one big hurdle that it's taken us many and it feels like it was keeping him from doing other things because he didn't. He wanted that name change before he went and get his license, before he went to do these other things. He wanted to go with his chosen name.
00:25:16:08 - 00:25:34:08
Speaker 1
So this is really huge for him to be able to finally change his name for real and his gender marker because it will help him move forward. And I asked him a couple of months ago if he would assist me in creating resources for parents for when their kids come out telling them that they wanted to transition.
00:25:34:09 - 00:25:35:15
Speaker 2
Oh, that's fantastic.
00:25:35:15 - 00:25:40:20
Speaker 1
And I know some of the things to already tell them not to ask and do because I done it.
00:25:43:03 - 00:26:03:15
Speaker 1
And my heart, my heart really is in creating resources based off my personal experiences to help the world understand things better and connect better. And so grief is one of them. And then this other project is to help parents connect with their transitioning children and maybe not alienate them by by not knowing what to say or do.
00:26:03:15 - 00:26:28:04
Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's fantastic. Well, Jackie, we're almost towards the end here, and I have I want to know, I mean, you've given a lot of advice for people in going through different types of these situations. But first, what would you say to somebody that may be experiencing feelings for the first time for somebody else while still in love with their current partner.
00:26:28:15 - 00:26:51:08
Speaker 1
Can never go wrong? Being honest. I mean, I, I think that in our culture, people are so much more comfortable cheating because they can keep it a secret until they're ready to not or until they unfortunately get caught. And cheating causes so much pain. Dave and I were both cheated on in our original marriages, and so for me, I knew that the honesty was was the key.
00:26:51:08 - 00:27:06:18
Speaker 1
I was like, you know, falling in love with someone else that can ruin your marriage whether you talk about it or not. But it's definitely going to ruin your marriage if you cheat and don't talk about it and if your partner is really your best friend, they have a right to know what's going on in your mind and in your heart.
00:27:06:18 - 00:27:11:14
Speaker 1
And it requires those conversations to make your your relationship strong.
00:27:12:03 - 00:27:23:21
Speaker 2
And then what would you say? What would be the biggest piece of advice beyond what you said already about a parent who is dealing with a transgender child for the first time.
00:27:25:02 - 00:27:51:11
Speaker 1
Look up some resources, do do some research, try to reach out to other parents that are supporting their kids. The best thing you can do is love your kid and listen, Don't ask invasive questions, don't equate gender with sexuality. Don't treat it as an excuse to start asking invasive questions about any of those things. Listen to your kid.
00:27:51:13 - 00:28:05:00
Speaker 1
Love them. If you ask questions, be respectful. And if they're not willing to share, you might need to do the work to make your child feel safe enough to share those things with you. And that, again, that's work that has to be done on your side.
00:28:05:03 - 00:28:11:00
Speaker 2
Yeah, Well, Jackie, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about that I did not ask.
00:28:11:00 - 00:28:27:02
Speaker 1
You know, I really appreciate you having me in today. I appreciated being able to talk about my various projects I have going on and my unconventional family that I just adore with every aspect of my being. I just want to thank you for having me on today.
00:28:27:10 - 00:28:49:03
Speaker 2
Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much for being so open and sharing with us and sharing with the audience. We will have everything linked for you in the description on Jackie's current books and projects. Of course, we'll have that original article for you to read. And if you want to read other articles, you can go to www dot locala mag dot com.
00:28:49:11 - 00:29:09:20
Speaker 2
As we said, our February issue is currently up and that is focusing on the LGBTQ A-plus community. And so please feel free to check out those articles as well. Some great resources and we thank you for joining us here on the Locala podcast. I'm Lisa Anderson, your host. And we focus on connections through stories you.
00:29:09:20 - 00:29:29:01
Speaker 3
Don't realize is what you picked up from being in a narcissistic or abusive relationship and what, you know, things that triggered you to use or whatever. The one thing that did lack was communications, and that's the one thing we told each other and told ourselves that.
